Balance

As I sit here eating my supper, I have some troubled thoughts. As a parent, you are charged with the task of teaching your children many different things. You must teach them to walk, talk, sing, read, feed themselves, get dressed and too many other things to list. Hopefully while teaching your children this, you also teach them responsibility, decision making skills, and respect. Built into these lessons is the matter of rules. With rules comes the subject of discipline. There in lies the hardest part of parenting in my book.
We, as parents, or at least adults, should all agree that discipline at some level is needed. Without it, there is no way to enforce rules. There are different schools of thought on discipline, ranging from the old school how I was raised, if the violation is big enough, and it warrants it, a firm smack on the backside was in store for me. Then there is the newer version of discipline, this frame of mind that physical discipline is never warranted, and a firm word, or time out, or grounding is in store, based on the severity of the "crime". Here is where the problem lies with me. How do you know if your discipline is too strict?
As a parent you want to see your kids happy, that is built into the word "love". So if your child breaks a rule, you must at this point choose your form of discipline. For back talk, are you going to send them to their room? Put them in a corner? How about remove the T.V. time? Or so you swat the back side? You don't have time to debate this very long. You have to think quickly, and act fast. Your reaction time decides the effectiveness of the action. If you hesitate too long, your child is likely to start to loose focus on why they are in trouble. "What did I do again?" The specifics of the "crime" get fuzzy. (now mind you that this is based on age of the child as well).
You make your decision, and its off to the corner for the offender. Good job, you made a choice. Then it happens, you hear it. It could be the middle of a football stadium, and the sound would stick out above all the others. AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! Not the bratty, Im mad at you scream of a tantrum, or spoiled child. It is a truly sad, sorrowful bawl. Heart broken sounds from a crushed little person. Instantly, you get a lump in your throat. Your eyes begin to water in the back. And now you are on the verge of the worst part of parenting. You second guess your choice. "Was the back talking really bad enough for 5 minutes in the corner? Did I get caught up in the moment? Is she/he going to forgive me? Do I take it back and tell them I am sorry?" Simple answer I have come up with, "NO"
I have been a Dad for bout 10 years now, and have gone through this with all 5 of our daughters, and will be going through this soon with our son. Every day with our children, I face this dilemma. Here is the good news, yes they will forgive you. Of course the older they get, the longer they will stay mad at you, but eventually they will realize that it wasn't the end of the world, and you will be fine. Here is the bad news- you will never, and I mean it, never, stop going through this. Every time your discipline your child, and they respond with a truly heartbroken cry, you will feel the same way. This doesn't include the tantrum cry, or the spoiled screech, those are easy to get past.
All you can do is to try to find the balance. You must find the balance between being too strict, and too soft. If you are too strict, you will push a wedge in between your child and you. If you are too soft, your kids will walk all over you. I have found that it is in most every child's nature to push the limits. This is even more intense with a "step" parent situation. I know I put my dad through Hell when He first came in the picture. I would do whatever I could to upset him, and see how far I could push him. Essentially wanting to push him out so that I could have my mom to myself again, (brothers included). Our two youngest girls, (from my former marriage) have pushed my better half. They have pushed her to the what I thought were the brinks, but she didn't budge. And that is the best thing. Don't budge, don't show weakness, and remember- as humans we are one of the species that do not eat our young, but Sometimes I can see the logic in it. haha.